Totally Random!

Today I went into a rage spiral! While I was reading the paper,  I saw a link to a website and tried to click on it...it took me a while to figure out why the page wouldn't load.

Later on, I went shopping and I bought a brand of laundry detergent for the sole reason that it had a Chuck Norris seal of approval on it....I mean that's gotta be some tough assed detergent right? I will be selling ring side tickets to 'Laundry UFC', so you all can see this soap roundhouse kick my laundry in face :)

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 19; Food Cravings and 64 oz of Juice per day?!

Hey Everyone,
Day 19 of a 60 day fast is going well...20.5 Lbs lost, 10 inches gone off of my waist and lots of energy!

I have been struggling with crazy food cravings over the last few days; especially for meat products which is weird because I have been a vegetarian for YEARS! Apparently, I am not drinking enough juice; when doing a juice fast of this duration, I have been advised that I should be drinking AT LEAST 64oz of juice. To me, that seems excessive as I have been doing fine on 20-32oz of juice per day. I will try increasing my juice intake as it is obvious from my cravings that my body is in desperate need of protein.

Has anyone else gone through this? Would love to hear your stories!

Till next time, happy juicing!

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 11; Top 5 Juice Recipes For A Fast!

Hey guys,

Day 11 of 60 on the juice fast and as suspected, weight loss has come to a screeching halt...only 1/2 lb lost in the last 4 days. I am not bummed though because I feel great and am positively glowing...or maybe I am just starting to turn orange from all the Carrot Juice I have been drinking, who knows?

Check out the video below for lots of great information on the benefits of certain juices and why some vegetables/fruits are very important to incorporate on your fast.

Here is a run down of the recipes included in the video.

Pineapple & Cayenne (weight loss, amazing skin, anti-inflammatory, PMS cure)
Juice; 1/2 fresh pineapple (including the rind that has been washed very well).
1/8 tsp of Cayenne Pepper

Cantaloupe (anti-aging, vitamin C, amazing skin, totally YUMMY)
Juice; 1/2 fresh Cantaloupe (including the seeds and the rind that has been washed very well).
Hint; if this juice is too thick for you, add water.

Parsley & Carrot (most Energizing, vitamin A, Zinc, Iron, reduce Acne)
Juice; 4-5 Carrots (greens removed)
Lg handful of Parsley

Ginger, Carrot & Apple (tastes like candy, good for digestion & constipation)
Juice; 4-5 Carrots (greens removed)
1/2 Green Apple (or if you prefer sweeter, juice a whole Apple).
1 inch slice of Ginger Root (or slightly more for added Zing).
*You can also add 1 or 2 Beets to this juice for further detoxification of the Liver and added Iron.

Kale & Green Apple (vitamin B6 and Folic Acid = happy, strong bones, skin, hair)
Juice; 2 small Green Apples
1 or 2 Kale leafs
*if you would like something different, add some sparkling water to this for a treat.

Cucumber Water (soothes skin, cleans Kidneys)
Juice; 1/2 Cucumber (with skin)
Add to 1 litre of purified water and drink throughout the day.
(Note: this juice cools you down and makes you urinate frequently)

*For Added Calcium, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin E...Add a handful or two of Spinach to any of the above Juices. *

Till next time, happy juicing everyone!  

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 8; Emotional Detox and Panic Attacks!

Day 8 of my 60 day juice fast was pretty uneventful...mostly I slept a lot and thought about all the things I should be doing but chose not to do :o)

I weighed in today at 174 still 13.5 lbs lost so no change since Friday.

Last week was really tough emotionally, especially days 4, 5 & 6...those days bitch slapped me silly. I found it difficult to concentrate (I still do), I also had a lot of the feelings I have been supressing with food come up...things like depression, panic attacks, tension, worry, lack of self confidence, self consciousness, anger and irritation (boy I bet that makes you want to do a juice fast huh?). At the time, they were all really difficult to deal with (especially the panic attacks), but after reflection, I was grateful to have felt these things. These are all the underlying issues that I have been trying to ignore by consuming mass amounts of food...everything I didn't want to face. I am glad I am in a space where I have some time to go through the emotion, deal with it (without using food as a coping mechanism) and research tools that can help me in the future.

I guess last week has taught me that I have been covering up a lot of things with food and now is the time to really sort through it all and work through it all so that I can become a healthier thinking individual who can use healthier coping mechanisms in the future. For further info, please watch the video below.
Happy juicing everyone!

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 5; The Dangers Of Over Cleansing!

Day 5 of my 60 day cleanse. I woke up feeling great and weighed in at 174lbs; 13.5 lbs lost in 5 days seems really too high! Oh well, I didn't feel hungry and I had a lot of energy when I woke up so I thought I would use it to cleanse even more. Arrrrr! Big mistake!

Don't be a dumbass like me and try to cleanse as much as possible, as quickly as possible. I almost landed in the hospital today. Nurture your body instead of forcing it into submission...lesson learned! I am now drinking more water to stay hydrated and trying to take it easy.

I find it difficult to want to drink lots of water and to want to drink 4 juices a day. I would rather just make and drink only two but clearly, that isn't giving me everything I need. So tomorrow I will increase juice intake. I am still on the juice fast, but mostly drank water today. Everything tastes too sweet, even the green drinks and my tongue is like sandpaper...anyone else have this issue while juicing? One website recommends to drink one whole head of celery per day to balance out the sodium levels and keep your tongue wet...so I will give that a go as well.  For more details on how I over cleansed, check out the video below.
Till tomorrow, stay juicy :)

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 4; Five Documentaries to inspire you into action!

Day 4 of this 60 day juice fast has been challenging for me. I feel really lethargic today and just can't be bothered with much. So, I took this opportunity to watch some interesting and thought provoking documentaries about food, the environment and the marketing of drugs...oh happy day!

Food Inc. http://www.foodincmovie.com/ , was first on my list, I have been putting off seeing this film for a while now mostly because 6 years ago I watched that Documentary Earthlings which warped my fragile little mind and changed my life forever. I just couldn't look at food, animals or meat products the same again...it really fucked with my senses, so I have been hesitant to watch another movie similar to it.

Food Inc, was a very watered down version of Earthlings  http://www.earthlings.com/ but it still provoked a very strong response within me, a need to change the way I operate in this world. I feel very strongly that when I come off of this juice cleanse that I will become a raw foodist or a vegan (which was never really an ambition of mine as I love The pizza pies waaay too much).  This film also inspired me to want to learn how to grow my own vegetables and possibly buy some land so that I can be in control of the foods the I put into my body, so that I know where they came from and how they were grown. The only problem is, I have a black thumb and everything I try to grow, somehow dies. I even killed a cactus...who knows how these things happen? If you are looking for more awareness about the food that you are eating and all of the crazy assed shit that has been happening before it gets served onto your plate or put into your grocery store then, I highly recommend this film. If you prefer to stay in the dark and blissful in your ignorance, don't watch it...this film is Pandora's box, you can never unsee/unlearn what it teaches you.

I still feel that Earthlings was a far superior documentary and packs more of a punch. It scares you into action whereas Food Inc gently takes your hand, pats you on your head and thinks you into action. If you haven't watched Earthlings please do; most people I know can't get through half of it. Best to watch this one on an empty stomach.!








Food Matters was another Documentary I watched about how we can use whole plant foods to reset our bodies to be able to heal again. I loved this flick! It truly inspired me to want to continue to do what I am already doing. I felt it gave some good information and I didn't feel like the whole world was against me when I watched it. It was a gentle documentary that lubed me up before they shoved their view points up my ass and  I would totally recommend Food Matters as it is a nice companion to help you on your jucing journey.





Forks Over Knives; was a boring version of Food Matters. Maybe it's just me though, watching 3 documentaries in a row about food can kind of take the wind out of your sails. Is it possible to overdose on Documentary Films? Probably! I am already getting the shakes while I write this. Everyone else says it is a great complimentary film to Food Inc, but to me, it fell flat.  There were a few new tidbits in that movie that made me go 'hmmm' but nothing that hadn't already been covered in the first two I had watched.

Finally, I just watched the 3 hour documentary called The Marketing Of Madness. Holy fucking hell! I now don't think that anything anyone says holds any sort of weight and it never has!!! AHHHH I am in existential crisis mode!. Psychiatrists that push pills for drug companies that market the illness, to set up the need so they make Trillions of dollars?? Ughhh! My head is spinning and I almost cannot even put onto paper the level of yuckiness I feel right now. Is everything a lie? A marketing scheme? A way to extract money out of our pockets? Is there a grain of truth to ANYTHING in this world?
I would suggest everyone to watch this flick but only if you are in a good frame of mind, not already totally jaded about life and you don't tend to already have a lot of doubt,cynicism or anxiety.  God help you if you get depressed while watching this one because you will find out that there really is no cure out there for you, it's just a marketing scam and sugar pills would help you more than the drugs they are selling you. Wow, that's cheery huh? You can watch this movie and many other documentaries for free here; http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/marketing-of-madness-are-we-all-insane/

The one that everyone is buzzing about is Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead . I watched this one last week and I must say, it helped inspire me to actually go through with this juice fast. I have been on the fence about doing it for almost 2 months now, but this movie pushed me over the edge and made me want to take control of my weight situation before it got to the point of the two main guys in that movie. Overall, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead was Ok. I would recommend this movie to someone who doesn't know much about nutrition or healthy living or just needs a motivational tool to get the ball rolling.

I found it inspiring to watch Joe Cross take back control of his life...I always did have a wet, soft spot for movies that show people taking back their power  :o)  I didn't find it overly compelling or interesting...actually, it felt a lot like a big marketing scheme for Breville Juicers which as you know from my first vlog entry, is a really shitty juicer that I have never ending issues with...don't buy one based on this movie!

I will post a video tomorrow on the 5 best Yoga Postures to help detoxify the body, today I am staying in bed and resting, trying to muster up the energy to make one more juice before sleepy time :o)
Happy juicing everyone!


~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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60 Day Juice Fast Day 3 - The Coffee Enema; How To Do One.

Yay, it's Coffee Enema Day!  First some Stats;

Weighed in at 179 lbs today; that means 8.5 lbs lost in two days :o) Even though that is all water weight, it's still pretty amazing! I have had a constant annoying twitch in my right eye since the beginning of October that no matter what I did, never went away....I haven't felt that twitch in 2 days! Hooray! Feeling great, tonnes of energy, totally inspired and no detox issues today ie no headache or tiredness.

If I had to complain, I would say that I have TOO MUCH energy and it feels and seems like I am high on Crack. I just want to talk fast, move fast and I am super fidgety! I am going to use all this extra energy to clean my house and do some yoga.

Check out the videos below for information on how to do a Coffee Enema, video 2 deals with Parasite cleanse and creating a sacred space when administering an enema. Both videos are jammed packed with lots of good information.

As promised in the video, here is a run down of what I do in the morning BEFORE I drink my first juice. This really doesn't take that long and it helps me to feel ready to take on the detoxing day;

1. Wake up; drink ½ litre or more of water. Take a pee for about an hour :)
2. Stream of consciousness writing for 3 pages (helps to detoxify the mind and purge all the crap that you normally would worry about all day).
3. Start the kettle (preparation for nettie pot and lemon drink).
4. Morning Kriyas this is some yoga cleansings that include a tongue scrape,brushing (using my finger) my gums and all around the mouth with salt using, wash the eyes with very cold filtered water (directly stimulates the 3rd Chakra which deals with will power).
5. Nettie pot (nasal rinse) use 2/3 filtered water with 1/3 filtered hot water from the kettle and ¼ tsp of sea salt (non iodized) note; all the morning kriyas, including the nettie pot NEVER take more than 5 minutes and it really helps to wake you up and feel clean inside, get rid of the collection of grossness from your sleep and freshen up :o)
6. Coffee/ParasiteEnema; as long as my roommate isn't home, if he is home skip to # 7 and do the enema at a later time.
7. Body brushing for 3-5 minutes; Start circular on all areas (especially places with cellulite) and then brush upward vigorously
8. Hot/Cold shower; Enjoy a nice hot shower and then on the final minute make the water as cold as you can stand it, be sure to really concentrate on these areas; the full length of the spine including the back of the neck, the under arms, and any cellulite areas you may have in your body ..for me, this is the backs of the legs. All that cellulite is excess fat cells and lymph cannot move there, so we need to help it move to get the toxins out...yoga, deep breathing, gentle exercise with concentration on deep breathing (such as walking or tai chi), body brushing, deep tissue massages, saunas followed by a cold shower and hot/cold showers all work to stimulate the tissues and help drain the lymph from the body (note; this hot/cold routine may not be healthy for everyone...if you have high blood pressure or hypoglycemia; check with your dr. ). For quicker results, it is recommended to do 1 minute of warm/hot water followed by 1 minute of very cold water..and do this 3 x.
9. Vigorously towel dry with a thick towel to invigorate the body and wake it up and help move the lymph.
10. Drink hot water with fresh Lemon juice squeezed in it.
11. Drink the Clay, Flax and Psyllium Husk drink. 1 tsp Redmond Clay (or high quality clay), 1 Tbsp Organic, GROUND Flax seed and 1tbsp of Psyllium Husk. NOTE: I usually prepare the clay portion of this the night before. Just add the 1 tsp of clay to a glass of warm water and let it sit overnight, this way it won't be gritty or gross tasting. In the morning when I am ready to drink it, I add the Flax and Psyllium and drink immediately or it gets all gooey and thick.

After all that is done, I wait for 20 minutes and I am ready for my first juice of the day.

Total time without the enema: 45 minutes (depending on how quickly I write my morning pages)
Total time without morning pages and enema; less than 30 minutes.
Total time with enema and morning pages; 1hour – 1 hour and 15 minutes (depending on how quickly you can prepare the concoction, get it in you and expel it. Sometimes, it can take up to an hour just for the enema alone. Be patient if you have just started doing enemas, your body might resist and I suggest you give yourself even more of a cushion for time in the beginning.

So, if you plan on doing these things I suggest you set aside at least an hour before you have to go about your day.
Any questions? Please feel free to contact me and I will do my best to answer them.
Till tomorrow, xo

Part 1; Coffee Enema Information




 Part 2: Parasite Coffee Enema & Setting the space

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~

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60 Day Juice Fast Day 1 & 2

Patricia Morrison; Yoga Instructor, Comedian and recent Over Eaters Anonymous Enthusiast has said Fuck You to solid foods for at least 60 days. I am not going to post an embarrassing 'before' picture until there is a hot 'after' pic :o) I have been preparing my body like an Olympic Athlete since January 1 in order to do this fast by pounding back cakes, cookies, chocolate and pizza because I know 2 or 3 months of not having those things is going to be very very difficult.

Day 1 of juice fast: 5'2 187.5 lbs ...tedious long hours spent preparing and cleaning up after juices...there has to be a better way! DON'T BUY A BREVILLE JUICER..even though Joe Cross from Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead says it's awesome...don't believe him! Worst Juicer EVER! grrr Me Angry!

Day 2: 4lbs lost!  I made less juices (is that a word?) = less clean up but more hunger pains JOY! It feels like I have a body made out of cement and a head made out of lead...ugh so slugish and heavy feeling...I am looking forward to this all going away soon. Anyways, watch the video below for more info and maybe a laugh and ask me any questions you want. Till next time

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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The One Where I Procrastinate

Today is the first day of my life...or maybe it's the first day towards my demise, who's to say? I am embarking on a new career, in a new city and I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking!

Last month, I finally made the decision to uproot myself from my comfortable, safe, boring little life and move to Vancouver to start my comedy career. A bold career move at 33!

Yesterday, I finally moved into my new ' $900 shared accommodations; listen to your roommates hair growing in her sleep because the walls are so paper fucking thin that if you touched them, they would crinkle', luxury apartment!

This morning, I sit in my new room, surrounded by 4 'walls' of tissue paper, a mountain of unpacked boxes and an audience of voices in my head that say 'what a Fucktard! You actually think you are funny enough to make it? You will be eating jam from a homeless guys toes in a month and you won't even be able to afford the bread to spread it on!'

Right now, all I want to do is figure out how can I get away with using a vibrator without the new roommate hearing it! For $900 a month, I should be allowed to masturbate all over the apartment, using a diesel powered meat curtain machine that would overshadow the sounds of most chainsaws, without anyone even blinking an eye!

Hmm what would MacGyver do? Maybe a pair of almost dead batteries will do the trick? Or one fresh one and one dead one = not so many vibrate-y sounds?

I'm not horny, I just need to take my mind off of all I have to do...um so I guess you could call it Procrastination Masturbation. That way at least I can feel like I have accomplished something today. But alas, these walls won't allow me to get the Job done!

Unpacking has never been my forte, but neither has anything else in life...good thing I am so optimistic about this fictional career!

After reading this blog post, all I can think is 'holy shitballs, what have I done?'
Over and out
Trisha
~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
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I'm back with some Style!

So even though I haven't blogged in about 5 months, some awesome person has given me an incentive to write again as I was emailed that I am now the proud owner of some fucking award that means absolutely nothing to me but still made me feel good to receive it because that is just how shallow I truly am! 

Yet I do feel entitled to it because I am totally stylish with my potty mouth and excessive abuse of swear words. Making words like 'Shmegma, Quiff and Beastiality' sound stylish, sure is hard work and therefore I accept this award! So thanks to you 'Clocks Declaring ' for honouring me with the 'Stylish Blogger Award' and for getting me back on the horse ( this is my segue to the last paragraph of this blog post, just so you know that this post does in fact have continuity in a graceless sort of way...that's right, I am all about Style now people, you may hold your applause until after the break). 

Also to all of you who bitched and whined for me to come back, all 2 of you...here it is...the post you have all been waiting for...trust me, this post is like Jar Jar Binks in the Phantom Menace...irritating, pointless and utterly uncreative.

Life in my end of the world is really really good...and when things are really really good, I don't feel like writing...must be that tortured artist mentality either that or the comedy writing team that took up residence in my brain is still on lunch 5 months later...and I forgot to fire them and hire new ones...man, where do I find a sweet job like that?

So trying to write when I am happy and satiated is like trying to give birth when you aren't even pregnant...nothing can be created except maybe a quiff or two...and PUSH! One more, come on, push that blog post out! Ah congratulations, it's a pussy fart with all 10 fingers and toes!

Mostly, my "happy writing" looks like I ate a bunch of Skittles and washed them down with purple Koolaide and then regurgitated it all over the page...sure it's colourful but there isn't much substance to it. 

Hey so remember way way back at the beginning of this post I spoke about a horse??? Well, I will leave you with this deep thought I just had about them...

'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on' is quite a saying!!
I often wonder what it really means…like if you say that to someone, does that mean you want to fuck a horse?
Or does it me you would like to have a threesome with the horse and its rider?
Or is it a really obvious way to indicate to other people that you have in fact forgotten to take your Meds because most people generally don’t ride horses around town anymore unless they are rich or possibly a part time Rodeo clown...and if you are in fact off your Meds and seeing Rodeo Clowns you should probably call 911...but I digress..

Whenever I hear someone say 'fuck you and the horse you rode in on' I think of how it surely must have originated...some cowboy with road rage is behind another cowboy who is being a dick by riding slow and not letting Ol' John Boy pass...as they both finally arrive at the saloon the second cowboy tilts his hat and says 'howdy partner' with a smug look on his face that says he knew what a dick he was being and then the Ol' John Boy just loses it and is all like 'I challenge you to a duel Pilgrim' and in some kind of word miracle the other cowboy pulls that amazing one liner from thin air....The first cowboy ever in the history of the world, to use that line!
I like to believe that Ol' John Boy just tilted his hat and said touche and then they all slapped their knees, bought each other a beer while firing their guns in the air and pissing in their pants because of the hilarity of that quick witted comeback ….but we all know the inevitable outcome of saying something like that back then was the second cowboy getting shot in the face...cowboys were killed for much much less back then.

I guess upgrading that saying isn't really as much fun, as 'Fuck you and the porshe you rode in on'... it doesn't have the same ring to it....because fucking a horse is really quite taboo, even in this day and age ...it's not yet something you can casually bring up at Thanksgiving Dinner...at least in most Countries. Although 'fuck you and the Retard you rode in on' could be even more offensive because nobody ever admits to fucking a retard or a horse :o)
Plus that just screams classy all over it doesn't it?

So, until next time everyone, fuck you and the Horse and/or Retard you rode in on :o)
Thanks for reading
Love Patricia

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~

 

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