Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Full Monty

I was awoken from my beauty sleep this morning by the Coconut throwing monkey.  (Note; Upon further review, I didn’t receive any benefits from said ‘beauty’ sleep as I looked like the Elephant Man’s offspring. So far, by my calculations, you need more than 2 hours in a night to be beautiful and less than 12 but we’ll talk about that on another rant.)

This domesticated Monkey’s job is to crawl up the huge trees and throw the Coconuts down so they can be put in a truck and sold to the stores. The added benefit is the reduced risk of me being killed by falling Coconuts so I won’t have to wear a helmet as often.

THAI 099 labeled monkey in tree close up

I head out to my veranda and the owner greets me with a good morning Coconut, which is thoughtful and appreciated. He hardly speaks English so we just smile and pretend to understand what the other is saying…it’s a fun way to communicate and I love that I can purposely butcher the English language and get away with it.

pills, redneck van and rotten veggies 129

Our grins got a lot wider when the Monkey greets me good morning with some angry looking red wood. My eyes bulged out of their sockets, eyebrows shot up through my hairline…my face said it all…I tried to change the subject;

pills, redneck van and rotten veggies 131

“‘Ummm, how cute! So… how old is he?" I stammered, mimed and spoke slowly, so as to be understood…”Three? Wow!” (long awkward really really uncomfortable silence.) We were both smiling and pretending not to notice. (I must apologize! You see,  I am not a professional penis photographer so the pictures don’t really give you the Full Monty I experienced. Seriously, you are better off for my lack of technical skill. If you are a stickler for detail, then click on the pictures for enlarged view.)

You know how people use the term ‘it was like a train wreck, I just couldn’t look away’? Well they should be saying, ‘it was like a Monkey’s dick, I just couldn’t look away’ because there’s nothing more disturbing than that!

I couldn’t escape the monkey meat! It had me in it’s orbit and I couldn’t look away!   I had already committed to taking the pictures and the owner was looking rather impatient…. so there was nothing left to do but shoot them.


And I thought last night’s rotten food photo shoot was weird!

pills, redneck van and rotten veggies 133

I very rarely get embarrassed but my cheeks were as red as that Monkey’s penis!  When your day starts off like this, it’s better to go back to bed and see if you can start again in a few hours!

If I learned anything from this experience, it was the desire, as a writer, to be more like that Monkey…vulnerable, exposed, and unashamed!

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~


SugaryCynic said...

And I thought my life was filled with awkward moments, but I've never dealt with monkey boners before, (and hope I never have to)

The Naked Writer said...

I hope you don't have to either...this was by far, my most awkward of moments lol but at least he didn't stab me with a lightsaber!

Jacob Lewis said...

The Schwartz is strong with that one. Red Rocket Monkey, away!

The Naked Writer said...

Um i want to comment back on that one, but i don't know what to say, except red rocket jedi monkeys are coool!!! gonna have to animate that one are giving me a lot of work to do mr. Jacob! Me likey

Jacob Lewis said...

I'm just getting started with you, missy! (Ok, I'm feeling like a total addict who just found a new drug. Is it too soon to start dreaming about you yet?)

The Naked Writer said...

We are all addicts in bloggerland! Take the 'l' away and it's Boogerland ha ha (yes i have the funny bone of a 5 year old from never never land...i needed a transplant, what else could i do?)
Let the dependencies begin!
Also, I hereby grant you permission to dream about me...consider yourself 'anointed' he he cheesy pun intended ;) WEEEEEEE!


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