Sunday, May 30, 2010

My Rants In Haiku, Because Bitching Is Boring, Unless Done In Poems


Laundry, you suck balls!
Why can't you wash yourself yet?
Call me when you learn

This slow Internet
Makes me scream profanities,
Till I lose my voice

I escaped the wrath
Of Jehovah's Witnesses,
None live in Asia

Thailand, eat my Ass!
Your power goes out daily.
That pisses me off!

The power is out,
My battery will soon die,
What will I do then?

No water, no fan,
No entertainment or Web,
I sit and I wait

It's hot with no fan,
Outside the wind is blowing,
Rest in the Hammock

Cool breeze refreshes,
I don't like writing Haiku
It's too restrictive!

Famished Mosquitoes
Penetrate sensitive flesh
and steal my sweet blood

Fuck you Mosquito!
You raped my skin once again,
Now I will kill you!

Swollen and itchy,
Mosquito bites are burning,
I scratch till I bleed

Hello Mister Sun!
How nice of you to show up,
Just before Sunset!

Ranting in Haiku,
made the power come back on,
My bitching is done!

Score after this game:
The Naked Writer wins 1
Everything else, Nil

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
>

16 comments:

becca808 said...

Tell it like it is
In a Haiku or story
ranting raving fun

Plus...I'll take a mosquito any day over a Jehovah witness knocking on my door!

:-)

IndigoWrath said...

Heroically
Indigo checks his armpits
Such fragrant regret

A morning shower
Cannot protect him
For twenty four hours

He must plan ahead
And go to Australia
To swim in sheep dip

*ahem*

Thank you

Sara said...

Wow. No electricity makes people so creative.

stephanie gale said...

funny words that bitch
then piss and moan and complain
brings a smile to me

teek said...

I just love this post!!! Made me laugh and giggle!! a much needed twist to my very stuffy afternoon!!

Writing Womb said...

@Becca that's a tough call, mosquitoes or Jehovah's ...hmmm at least the jovah's only come by once a week and the welts they leave are only on your brain so you can't scratch them till you bleed to death!

@Indigo lmfao sheep dip? is that the uber strong scent to cure fragrant manly arm pitts?

@Sara i know, go figure, I actually had to break out a pen and paper on that one! it was like going back to the 90's...that pissed me off as well i will rant about that later

@Stephanie *wink*

@Teek; glad it unclogged your stuff afternoon...giggling seems to be an awesome cure for that

Thanks for all of your unexpected comments in Haiku...your poems were so creative they made me smile and laugh too!

Brooklyn Book Lover said...

Thanks for the smiles. Just what I needed today.

Marylinn Kelly said...

You write much better than any rock I've met...still have a draft haiku sitting in my Dashboard. I am humbled and smiling.

woman:confused said...

I do like this post
it made me smile lots and lots
thank you for the laugh

Christi Johnson said...

This poem is genius!! I am glad that I followed, and I actually like your work. Thanks for the follow invitation.

Writing Womb said...

@Brooklyn Your welcome, glad it cheered you uP!

@Marylinn hmmm well I have met some pretty smart rocks in my time but thanks for the compliment...you should bust the Haikus out of your dashboard and put them up for everyone to see! I love the way you write!

@womanconfused...your welcome thanks for being so creative with your compliment me likey lots!

@christi Thanks! I really was just so pissed off at having to sweat and then having no real energy to bitch about it cause I had to break out the pen and paper and it is like 35 degrees celcius here in thailand and someone told me i was super long winded and so then i thought i would write some haiku to show them that i am not so super long winded but it turned out to be a really tough concept for me to follow...yet it was fun and breathe ...see I am not long winded at all and that was not one long run on sentence either! lol

Thanks for the reading everyone! I am loving the Haiku comments they are terrific you guys are so creative me love you long time! ;o)

Christi Johnson said...

Ok...I know that two comments on one post is kind of like stalking...but you like it, don't you? You know you want me.

Seriously...I had to read this again. This should be in a book. The book should be on a NY Times Best-seller list. The NY Times Best-seller list should promote the book internationally. World leaders should make sure that the book is on every launch to the moon...and while the astronauts are in space, they should hand it out to aliens...who will then take it back to their respective planets in every galaxy. And there you have it...your step-by-step guide to universal writing domination.

Thank me later.

:)

Kristi said...

I love haiku rants. I've done many of them in my college days during dumb lectures by dumb professors haha

Writing Womb said...

LOL @ Christi...I assume you read my 10 ways to stalk someone...keep up the great work, you are doing a wonderful job! If you didn't read it, then, you are an amazing natural stalker and I bow to you, teach me Obi Wan!
I ALWAYS welcome stalkers...especially good ones! Of course I want you! Awesome, thanks for the universal writing domination tips...now that I know, nothing can stop me and my over active imagination from taking over the world! MMUUUAAAHHHAAAHHH

Also, i thought it was really really funny that a blogger friend of mine named Kristi posted a comment right after you...at first i thought you were a Super Stalker and you were cleverly changing you name from Christi to Kristi...I actually laughed out loud at it cause really???? what are the odds!!!

@ Kristi...when i first read this, i was going to laugh and tell you what an excellent stalker you are (see above) now i am glad i slept on it cause there would of been a mess of confusion. I would love to see some of your rants from when you were bored in school, put them on your site or send them to me and I can include them in a future post with a link to your site if you like

Kristi said...

hahaha well I am a stalker so I would have taken the comment with pride...Kristi is a terrible name because it seems like NO ONE can ever spell any of the Kristi's or Christy's correctly...I hate it, and I'm sure every other "Chris-Tee" in the world hates it as well haha

Katie Gates said...

SO funny! Glad to have found you through WOW.

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