Friday, May 07, 2010

That Red Bull Made Me Horny With A Karate Chop To The Vag.

What a ridiculous waste of hornyness! In lieu of the fact that it was like a blogger sweat shop in here, zero pay and 16 hour days, treating myself to a Red Bull was the best pick me up I could think of (short of going and scoring some crack). 

Red Bull in Thailand is this bubble-less, thick, limp monstrosity; a cousin to motor oil  and a sister to cocaine.

Back in Canada, it’s $2.99 a can but here it’s like $0.25 a can!!

I tend to choke one  back for those kind of savings. I mean it’s like if I don’t have  a Red Bull, I am actually losing money cause of the awesome savings  of $2.74 each time I fuel up.

It not only gives me energy and makes every orifice quiver with delight but it also MAKES me money.

By my calculations, if I drink 10 Red Bulls a day, I will make (thinks really hard) $274.00 a day!!! I could be a little off on the math there, but not by much. This could be the best job I never had!

The lack of bubbles in the Thai formula seems to create a veritable vortex of intense desire that is directly located in my pelvic region.

The key ingredients are one drop of sweat from Chuck Norris’ nut sack and the tears from a remorseful pimp on steroids after beating one of his bitches that hasn’t paid him his money.

It’s like this drink went into a Roid Rage and took it out on all my naughty parts finishing off with a perfect round house kick to my vagina!

Ah! Who needs a man with a drink like this?


~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
>

8 comments:

Jacob Lewis said...

Great. Now I have to compete with cans of energy drinks, too? ;/

(I think Thailand is about to receive a surge of women who've suddenly decided that this will be their next vacation spot. "We cum for the Red Bull!")

IndigoWrath said...

Hey Ms. Naked! As a man with the quiet life of a bachelor, I find the prospect of being horny and WIDE AWAKE to be a distressing one. There's only so much self-love before EMO drops by, right? Indigo

The Naked Writer said...

@jacob...yes, as you can see the word is out...and all the women who read this blog have rushed to buy plane tickets! obviously this is the reason no women have commented on this post either that or they have never had a 'real' redbull before so they cannot comment on the awesomeness of the feeling of the perfect round house kick to the vag! lol
@indigo, yes, being horny and wide awake is a bit of a debachle (spelling?) but i find if i channel it all into a new blog post, it actually kicks emo's ass to the curb for a while!
true, too much self love and emo starts to stalk again in a creepy peeping tom kinda way! lol

Brans~Muffin said...

"The key ingredients are one drop of sweat from Chuck Norris’ nut sack and the tears from a remorseful pimp on steroids after beating one of his bitches that hasn’t paid him his money." Bwahahahahaha SHUT THE EFF UP! I love Chuck Norris Analogies and am now pricing vacations to BANG-COCK....Bwahahahahahaha

The Naked Writer said...

Lol! I LOVE Chuck Norris jokes, i try to make up new ones when ever I can and try to bring up his name to a random stranger at least once a day...now i have a forum to do that...it suddenly dawned on me today! lol
a few years back i was right on the chuck train my buddy and i spent two days watching all chucks cheesy movies and marvelling at his awesomness..it was a wicked weekend making chuck the most legendary name in the english language! RAR! oh and then of course came the chuck norris vs steven segalathon....chuck would win hands down! his manliness is so overwhelming it scares the bears away!

Lizanne said...

lmao I love how you make money off drinking the stuff - do you know I once earned myself 400 bucks by NOT buying a pair of MiuMiu sandals?! It's true!
But I have to debate whether Chuck would really beat Stephen Triala-segala-thalona in a mano-e-bearo competition... Why not weight the pros and cons? It's true, Chuck is blonde so he must have German roots, meaning he can heil the bear out nazi-style. But Stephen does have the fastest karate-choppin hands on the face of the earth, and is freakishly tall. Then again, a bear might want to mate with Stephen instead of fight with him. And Chuck, well he can hit the bear with some mean one-liners, but maybe the bear wears a hearing aide and then all Chuck's verbal attacks would be in vain...
It's a toughie.

Wow, that was awkward said...

You definitely don't need the vodka.

The Naked Writer said...

@ Lizanne it's amazing how we are so super special by figuring out how to make money off of not buying stuff! i love it...we should totally write a book i bet we would win a nobel prize or something ;o)
I have one thing to point out TOTAL GYM! see chuck is still fit and fab ...but steven is all philsbury dough boy now so hands down chuck wins unless steven smothers the bear with his big giant gut hmmm...i will have to think about this a little more and get back to you.
Bears with hearing aides wouldn't stand a chance against the chuck cause he would sneak up on them and karate chop it's head off and then roundhouse kick the bears head into a basketball net...swoosh 3 points for chuck!
@ wowthatwasawkward....i do need the vodka cause then it numbs me out a little so i don't have to feel so much horniness!

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