Saturday, June 05, 2010

Google Tourette’s Syndrome and Dog Beastiality: How I First Started Blogging, A True Story! *Safe for Work, I think!*

Remember how a while back, on my post The Naked Writer 101, I said if you want to know anything else just ask? Well, I got a few questions from REAL LIVE people this time, not just the voices in my head.

This is what the voices in my head look like, pretty hot huh?


Now, because I am so frigging long winded and cannot edit myself in any way (because of my own self importance), I can only answer one question at a time!

While I gather my thoughts, look at this dog with an Afro!  


So, without further ado, I now pronounce me Husband and Wife…what? Where the hell did that come from? I better consummate this quick before I change my mind!!

Ok, I am back…whew,  that was close!  I almost got away from me there!  But now I done and got me pregnant and am stuck with me for life…ha ha, I win…what a tricky little bitch I am!

Shit, I keep getting off track…ok, So,  here is one answer to one question from an individual who needed to know more about who they are
stalking

Question;  “How did you get into blogging?” 

(you guys might think this would be a simple answer done in a paragraph or less...I am sorry to say,  
Arrrrrr wrong answer! Buckle up and put on some diapers, this is gonna be a long one (that’s what she said…ha ha)
My Answer to you dear stalker friend;

I got into blogging because I really was
procrastinating writing my novel but I used to procrastinate it with an affliction I have lovingly coined as Google Tourette’s Syndrome or GTS.

You see, when I get really bored or really need to procrastinate and feel like I am doing something important, I type in dirty words or phrases or what I am feeling into the Google Tool Bar (and always in capital letters). I used to do this at least once a day but lately, I have slowed down to a few times a week. See, blogging does help some  Compulsive Disorders! 

I would type random things like "ASS COCK HOLE” “DIRTY DONKEY NUT EATER” “SILLY STRING MONKEY SPUNK'” “GO FUCK YOURSELF INTERNET'” “GOOGLE’S MOTHER IS A WHORE” “YOU GET HORNY FOR LIMA BEANS” and so on…you get the picture right?


 


I have really looked up all of those things and then some. I guess I don’t need to tell you that I have seen some really fucked up things on the Internet because of my  GTS!  Try it, you might like it, I warn you though, it can be highly addictive and if you are really adventurous, turn your search filter off (te he he) Just know, I am not responsible for spreading this affliction of GTS,  just for naming it!!!

GTS needs to be added on Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary as no one has come out of the closet to talk openly about it yet (before today that is).

 If you suffer from GTS or want to know more about this serious illness, just ask me, I can advise you on what to yell at Google to get the best results, instantly!!!

So, back to the story, one night, I was bored as hell and hating life so  I put in something like, “FUCK LIFE” or “GO FUCK YOURSELF LIFE'” or something like that and hit enter. And guess what happened?

Drum roll please…rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

A web site came up that piqued my curiosity!!! Go figure!


 


I don’t remember the site, but it was a forum for people who think their life sucks and everyone is trying to one up the other by telling sad stories about their fucked up life…cool concept as misery loves company, or so I am told.

There was one post from a guy who said that his life sucks cause he asked his girlfriend to share with him the  kinkiest thing she had ever done sexually and apparently she admitted to fucking her Dog because her EX boyfriend wanted to watch her do that.

The guy who wrote the post  said now that he knew she screwed a pooch, he had to break up with her, because he could never be with a woman who fucked a dog…or maybe he could never be with a woman who told the truth? Who knows?

He obviously didn't get a look at this handsome little devil!


 


Before this moment, in all of my online history, I had never EVER left a comment on anyone’s website before…truth be told, I never even knew what a blog was until that day.

I thought this reaction of his was outrageous and I was also reminded of a freaky story from back in the day and I had to help this poor guy see the error in his ways. I always wanted to be a motivational speaker so this was my first try at it…I think it went well considering the subject matter.

I kept my quote as a memory of me popping my own Internet Comment Cherry …here it is

April 17, 2010

“Sure, it's gross cause that's what society has conditioned us to believe...but really, who cares?
I have never written on a chat forum before to voice my opinion about anything, but this is the subject I will choose to deflower myself with ;o)
 
Think about it....so what? She fucked a Dog!

I watched a hooker suck a Dog off for $10 at a party once when I was only 14, yes we were all really wasted and at the time we all laughed at her and made fun of her.  It was one of those moments that stays with you forever but you never really think about it till something like this sets you off!

This memory that I have repressed for 17 years just came to mind and I don't feel grossed out by it anymore,  I just feel sad for her that she had to degrade herself so much just to get some attention and make enough money to support her drug habit...at some point, she was just a little girl too with hopes and dreams and it sucks that was the path she took....we all do stupid things…some more so than others.

I feel sorry for your girlfriend that she told you something that she is probably ashamed of because she loves you and trusts you and now you will break her heart and make her feel like she is a piece of shit because of something experimental she did in her past! Hold the judgement for a second and remember, that YOU asked for this story, and also take into account that she trusted you enough to share it with you… that's huge!

I mean if you truly love this woman then you would love her unconditionally as a Dog Fucker or not! It's our past that makes us who we are and if you are in love with this woman as she is now, then that means, you also love her past cause it's a part of her.

Are we so shallow to only accept the acceptable?

If so, how would anything new be experienced, expressed, or made in this world? I am not saying that fucking a Dog will find the cure for cancer or anything (hey, maybe it will what do I know?)  but it’s this type of narrow minded, judgemental mentality that boxes people up so tight that they can’t breathe right anymore and then they go out and shoot a bunch of kids in a school to try to break free of their prison and/or find some relief!!!
 
I personally have never fucked a Dog, nor would I want to because A) That's really gross to me and B) I would be afraid of the consequences but hey, that's just me.


 


But... I wouldn't banish a friend or lover from my life because they did something like that (unless it was chronic, or abusive towards the animal or my lover was cheating on me with their dog or something…I wouldn’t settle for playing second fiddle to Fido, that’s for sure).

Look a little deeper at this woman who is your girlfriend, maybe all she wants in life is to be loved or accepted and that was the only way she thought to be accepted and loved by her previous boyfriend and so then she complied with his crazy request?  Love it seems (especially when we are young) is more of a bargaining tool....if you do (fill in the blank) then I will (fill in the blank) it's sad that most women only want to be cherished and adored and in most cases will put up with anything for that and possibly even do anything in order to feel loved and cherished, while most men  would do or say anything just to get laid ( not in all cases, there are some romantics out there).

Well, I am going on and on here but I would say, if a girl is willing to fuck a Dog to make her previous boyfriend happy, she's a keeper, because she will do everything in her power to keep you happy too! Try not to be so judgemental...love from your heart not your head (ha no pun intended)...she's trustworthy enough to tell you the truth...that's one hell of a skeleton in the closet and she chose to share it with you ...don't be too hasty in throwing that girl away! Hope this helps...peace and love Patricia “

See, this is the comment that started this very blog you are now reading. I chose Dog fucking as my come out comment! Yes, the irony of that isn't lost on me (not cause I fuck dogs but because my entire life is spent looking for ways to fuck the proverbial Dog)

Although, is it just me or have you noticed that animals these days are trying really hard to be as sexy as they can be???


Cindy Crawford, eat your heart out!
With hair this fine, this dog has supermodel written all over it!

Gorillas minus the Mist are pretty hot!


It's pictures like these that make me proud to be a Vegetarian!



Sarah Jessica Parker has nothing on this horse face!
(ouch was that too mean?)

Sharing this story that I had remembered about the hooker I saw sucking off a dog at a party, made me want to share more of my fucked up stories that I haven't told anyone so I started a blog the very next day!

I hope that answers your question to your liking!

P.S.  Thanks for all the awesome comments that I woke up to this morning! I was uber beautiful all day long thanks to you guys! Me Love You Long Time (even if you fuck Dogs or sexy animals…see I don’t discriminate!!!! Unless you cheat on me with an animal, then I go all Chuck Norris meets Woody Wood Pecker on your ass!!!) Hahaha HA HA! Love from...ME, The Naked Writer or if you are a good stalker, then you can call me Trish.




P.P.S. Do you think I am a Freaky Enough blogger yet? Vote for me here if you do  and if I win, I will record my hot dog dance for you all to enjoy!




Score after this round:
Awesome Questions: 1
Voices In My Head: 0

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
>

11 comments:

SugaryCynic said...

wha...what just happened? it's all a blur of dogs in wigs and Google Tourette's. I think you gave me a contact high through the internet. Well done.

Brans~Muffin said...

Crap Sugary Beat me to the First Comment....I began Blogging the exact same way...except it had nothing to do with Dog Fucking...or People Fucking or Fucking fucking anything....SO I guess I got started not in the same way as you at all...I saw a video once of a girl blowing a horse...I almost threw up!

Writing Womb said...

@Sugary yes dogs in wigs and google tourettes usually makes me high too...happy to pass it on to you

@Brans LMFAO you are loco today...between what you just wrote and the 18 posts you wrote on Jacobs blog, i can truly say you are my other half and you complete my vagina!
ummm so why did you almost throw up...was it a really ugly horse or something? when i see a chick blowing an ugly horse that makes me gag a little too! MUAH!

Jacob Lewis said...

I remember writing my first blog. I stopped long enough to watch a video of a girl blowing a horse. Why the hell do people do that? Weird. Anyway, then I finished my blog and somebody read it. Cool.

I actually started blogging when somebody at work told me, and I quote, "I would watch a (TV) show about you just insulting people for an hour." I figured writing would be just as good.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

RE: blowing a horse (Jacob Lewis) wouldnt that blow ( pun intended) the back of her head off when ole Mr Ed released his horsey jizz?
Fuck I need to scrub my brain out for even thinking that.
I started my blog because most days Im here by myself and well, if I type instead of talking out loud to myself I feel less crazy. Ive not had any sort of formal training - and it shows - but it relieves some of the add/ocd of mine.

Brans~Muffin said...

The Horse Blew His Horseyness into her Mouth...It looked like she was puking Milk....Im allergic to Milk!
Are we a well groomed VaJayJay or are we a Bearded Clam...Jacob wants to know!

Simon said...

I'm so confused...how'd we get from Google Tourettes (which I can get behind) and dog-fucking (which I am rather aprehensive about)?

Why must people be limited to sucking off dogs? Why not cats? Do they not have needs?

~Onreeone~ said...

Funny crazy shit as usual. I too have that problem with googling random shit just to see what pops up. Thanks for sharing this Trish--and how the hell did we go from fucking dogs to seeing a video of a horse getting sucked off? I saw that one too and I don't think it was so much the act. I think she was actually gagging, which in turn made my gag reflex react. She seemed to be a bit surprised by the amount of gizz that horse cock had in him. I'm not sure why I started this blog really-I think it has to do with procrastination of not doing things I don't want to do. I too feel bad for the hooker who blew the dog...and for only 10 dolla--girl must have been really hard up for some cash. What a shame really~

a+ cbt training said...

i cant help myself but laugh.

Anti Vigilante said...

I just read through the comments.

I think I will go google comments. Yes the word comments.

Anyhoo enjoy number 2:

http://anti-vigilante.blogspot.com/2010/06/pax-paranoia-no-2-one-flew-over.html

Writing Womb said...

wow, I am really behind on commenting on the comments, sorry about that, I am sooo lazy! Thanks everyone for reading this crap that I write, hope it gives you a laugh or something!

@ Jacob i enjoy reading your blogs...and horse blowing is gross! i am making homemade yogurt as we speak and i am not feeling much like eating it right now....horse gizz makes me want to puke lol

@midwestern, i feel the same, like there is something that makes me feel less crazy about getting this stuff out there, it's a good way to purge the crazy's i guess

@brans muffin...lmfao sure, it's jacob that wants to know that...well since you gladly gave me your bra size, i will tell you i am a well groomed vajayjay, i don't like bearded clams ;O)

@simon do cats have penises? i have never seen one? don't worry i am not being racist against animals or anything just the only live show i ever saw to give a comparison to was a girl sucking off a dog, when i see a girl sucking off a cat i will write you all about it

@onreenone yes it was a shame but it was the early 90's so maybe that was what lots of people did when they were hard up, i don't know! lol that you got into blogging to procrastinate...me too...but now it works out great cause i procrastinate writing the blog and actually get the shit i need to get done now...excellent

@a+ glad you had a laugh ;o)

@anti so, what did you come up with when you googled 'comments' i am curious, actually i am going to check now GTS is awesome!

Thanks for reading and commenting everyone

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