Monday, August 16, 2010

Fun With Twitter

First, I would like to give a big shout out to Pam and Sandy at Wisdom Of Words, also know as 'WOW'.  Sandy and Pam have graciously added me as a Blogger Of Note 'BON' and are sending their lovely followers over here to have a looky loo…so welcome to you 'WOW' people.

Maybe you would like to know a bit more about me? Well, you are in luck! Just read The Naked Writer 101 for an in depth look into my twisted psyche. Also, for you awesome newbies visiting, I have compiled the top 5 Writing Womb Posts for your viewing pleasure.

#1 The Unfortunate Blow Job Incident

#2 My Rants In Haiku, Because Bitching Is Boring, Unless Done In Poems

#3 Dear Duane...I Am Getting Older Can I Put My Mail Order Husband On Layaway?

#4 How To Successfully Stalk Like A Pro, Without Being Creepy, In 10 Easy Steps

#5 Dear Duane...Rob Pattinson From Twilight Has Down Syndrome...For Serious!

I hope you enjoy my blog, please feel free to have a look around and comment whenever your little fingers desire to do so ;o)

For all my loyal followers, holy smokes…2 blog posts in 3 days? Yep…Trisha’s back....back with a game!

Now maybe you are part of the elite group of people who actually understand and know what the point of Twitter hat is off to you! (except that I don't wear a hat cause my head is too bulbous, so really my hat is off to everyone...but especially you...)

But, If you are like me, then you just don’t ‘get’ Twitter.  It seems pointless right? I mean I could Tweet that I used 129 squares of toilet paper to wipe my ass today cause I accidentally ate a jar of Prunes thinking that they were just really big raisins and who wouldn't want to eat a jar of really big raisins...but is this necessary information that all 10 of my Twitter friends would really want to know?

I know I am an ego maniac with Narcissistic tendencies (at least that's what the Dr's all say) but even that is over the top for me! I will not be a Twittarcisstic Narcissistic Ego's just too much to keep up with, who has that kind of time or energy or vocabulary?

um, hello? Have we forgotten about the telephone? Is the phone obsolete now? I can't remember the last time I actually spoke on the phone with someone and really, what would I say to them anyhow? Between their My Space pages, Facebook Status Updates and Tweets, I know far more than I ever thought I would know about people I haven't spoken with since grade school.

Now, it is possible that some of you out there don't know what the hell I am talking about, maybe you have never heard of Twitter which case that means you are probably still a baby in the womb and congrats for being able to sneak out just to read this blog post…either that, or you are my 90 year old granny who still thinks that Atari is the newest video game consul around and commodore 64 is the most advanced computer to this date.

So, what I am saying is,  in order to play the Twitter game, you should know what Twitter is…go Google it, I am not explaining it to you…if I get a question like what’s ‘a google’ then we can be BFF's cause your probably retarded and I like to surround myself with like minded people…and if you don’t know what 'BFF' is then you should ask your nearest pet psychic cause I am sure that you are an avid user (of psychics, paint huffing and possibly dumpster diving )

OK so all you have to do is set up a Twitter account and find a bunch of celebrities you admire, then 'follow' (see stalk) a few of your favourites and then 'Tweet' them random messages that don't have anything to do with nothing! This is fun for everyone!
You can do this as much as possible as this does not annoy celebrities very much at all!

As most of you already know, I Heart Pee Wee Herman..."connect the dots la la la"….so of course he was the first celebrity friend I stalked…I tried many times to get him interested in my life but nothing…until…a while back I tweeted Mr. Pee Wee Herman this:

"Hey pee wee...I love toast, isn't that interesting?"

"Hi Pee Wee, I found a hair on my left nipple does this mean I have lopsided knee caps?"

"Hey Pee Wee my red bicycle is really sad and lethargic, do you know of any good bike psychics out there in Hollywood?"

"Chocolate chips look like rabbit poop only they taste VERY VERY different but you already knew that didn’t you?"

John Cusack is dreamy! I have hearted him since ‘Better Off Dead’  so I thought I would impress him with these little gems:

"my elbow smells like a Walrus or maybe an acorn, how would the great John Cusack solve this caper?"

"Hey John Cusack, If we hooked up, I wonder what OUR celebrity name would be?"

"Do you ever just look at your balls in the mirror and think oh my god, these are John Cusacks balls? I would if I were you!"

"Dear John Cusack I am writing to inform you that I need to buy some tampons today …isn’t that exciting? I thought so too!"

Jim Carey is funny as shit so I thought I would send him my sexy advances by being super flirtatious with him:

"hey we are both from Toronto, we should be friends and that entitles me to 5% of your monies, now pay up cockknocker before I stick my pubic hair on you "

"Hey remember that funny movie dumb and dumber? me too! WOw, we have so much in common, let’s be best friends now!"

"hey Jim, avoiding zombie raping pirates is harder to do than fart quietly…what’s YOUR secret?"

And of course, Kevin Smith, I love this guy but was a bit disappointed after seeing his last movie:

"Hey Kevin I love you almost as much as I love removing my tampon after a long day of work…and that’s a lot!"

"Dear Mr. Smith, I am writing to inform you that your movie Cop Out Raped me last night, it raped me in the brain repeatedly! "

"Remember how I told you I was raped by cop out? I forgot to mention that it gave me a brain STD that is resistant to antibiotics! I am sending you the bill"

Send me your very best Twitter celebrity stalking posts and the winner will get an awesome prize from me!
I will include the best ones in an upcoming on!

To keep abreast of my silly goofs, just add me on Twitter CLICK HERE or add 'thenakedwriter' to your twitter thingy so we can goof on it together, after all...if that isn't what it's for..then what the fuck is it for?

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~


One Blonde Girl said...

Ah.... Twitter. Making those who suspect they might be uncool feel, well, uncool since... well since whenever it began. I'm not well educated on these things.

Seriously though, Twitter makes me feel like I'm eleven again when I was first introduced to chat rooms. "Wait, these are real people?" "And they can read what I'm typing?" "And I can have conversations with them through the computer?" "How come no one's talking to me?" "How come they didn't answer my question?" "Is that person talking to me?" "No?" "Oh." "Did that guy just tell me to fuck off, retard?" "Well, this is stupid. I quit, plus Ken's waiting to take Barbie to the prom."

And now I don't have to write that post I've been meaning to write about how Twitter makes me feel like I'm sitting at the uncool table at lunch in Middle School. Thanks.

Occasionally called Robbie said...

Thanks for making me laugh aloud :) I've never thought of using Twitter that way - And yes I do remember Muppet Babies! Awsome show:

-I play the piano
-And I have Blue hair!
-Me, I invent things
-Mee mee mee me meeee!

Love it :)

Single Dad Laughing said...

I am SO glad that I'm not the only one who doesn't get twitter! Do you know how many times I've tried to figure it out only to leave scratching my head. I think it really is just for perverts or celeb stalkers.

Single Dad Laughing

Rachel Cotterill said...

I'm visiting from WOW... and now I think I might just go and hide under the table! I'm now quite glad I'm not a celebrity, because at least my Twitter conversations so far have had a modicum of sense to them....

Simon said...

Tragically, I hate Twitter. Good luck.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I figure why limit oneself to 140 characters when you can blog and write hundreds of words. You have a great blog, very amusing. Enjoy your BON day.

Katie Gates said...

Congrats on your BON day. Funny, funny stuff, as usual!

OJ Gonzalez-Cazares said...

Congratulations on your BON! I came from WOW to say hi. I do hate Twitter too (don't get it), I like Facebook (and agree with the oversharing of some FB users)...I like prunes (not so much giant raisings)...Funny stuff!!

Melissa B. said...

Oh, my. I just now successfully avoided spitting coffee all over the computer monitor. You're seriously funny, galfriend! Congrats on your BON mot...

woman:confused said...

I'm so glad you're backedy back back back!
Well... MORE back. Whatever.

Didactic Pirate said...

I feel you regarding Twitter -- I put off using it for years. Then I bowed down to the peer pressure and signed up. Now I feel like if I don't tweet something cool and funny about something amazing I did with a celebrity every five minutes, people will think I'm lame and treat me like I have Twitter Herpes or something.
And yet I just became one of your followers.

Jay said...

I just realized that I've been too busy reading your blog to click follow, but now I did so it's okay. My word verification sums it up quite nicely "smone." I have no idea what that means, but I have a feeling that it would sum up my comment quite nicely.


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