Monday, September 27, 2010

Her Name Was Kock!

You know when you first meet someone and they tell you that their last name is Kock and then you subtly point out the obvious ice breaker that could have the both of you rolling on the floor with laughter and being BFF’s for the rest of your lives but they fail to see the humour in it because they must be either dead inside or in a waking coma?

Then you have to bottle that laughter up and hold back all those zingers and naughty one liners that are now bombarding your brain until you can barely take it anymore.

Her pursed lips and scowl are now forcing you to swallow all that joy deep down into your belly until it can be released as a big fart at a later time when you are all alone with the covers up around your head so you can inhale the smell that once was the biggest laugh you never did have!

That is essentially what happened to me today. Except I haven’t had the pleasure of revisitng my joy in fart form yet. I feel all bloated with the laughter I had to supress cause of this girls missing funny bone.

My brain sent out an APB "calling all cars, calling all cars, be on the look out for one bone. Code name: Funny, known to reside in the elbow region...may be armed and dangerous."

I mean if my last name was Kock, I would totally make fun of myself by promoting myself with hilarious t shirts.

Or when people would say 'holy fuck!  Your last name is kock?' In my best Ron Burgundy, Anchorman impression, I would be all like 'yeah, it really weighs me down… all 12 inches of it' 

With a last name like Kock, I would be forced to procreate just so I could name my kids Sweet Kock and Hannibal Kock. These names alone would ensure my children's success in the porn industry and bring mamma home the bacon!
 I just don’t understand why people who have obviously funny names don’t have a better sense of humour about it!!!
~I surrender to The Writing Womb~



Anti Vigilante said...

Clearly she has a sense of humor. It is simply there to deny satisfaction to stalkers who know her last name.

CkretsGalore said...

Soooo needed that laugh to start off my Monday...I saw the word "Kock," and had to read.

I have worked around a lot of Engineers (warning, this is not good for your health.) and shit, they wouldn't know a funny bone if it walked up and bitched slapped them in the nuts.

Margaret Duarte said...

You are a brave and funny writer. It must feel so good to have such creative freedom. Thanks for sharing.

Kenneth Bauer said...

I would like to protest this tasteless display of juvenile humor.

Mr. I. H. Penisbreath
Jizzlechin, Calif.

A Marvelous Miss said...

I recently came across a woman named Jenn Poos. Oh, how I laughed...I'm still laughing.

Patricia ~ The Naked Writer said...

@Anti LOL never thought of it that way :o)

@ckrets wow how desensitized are those engineers nut sacks? Maybe it is part of their training in school to have numb balls to be better equipped to deal with their job? happy to fill your monday full of kock ;O)

@Margaret thanks for the compliment, at first, it was scary to be so honest but after a month of blogging, that all went I am a unstoppable

@kenneth aka Mr. I.H. Penisbreath oooooooooh you are a clever little fucker aren't you ?
i have actually been to Jizzlechin and i will look you up on my next visit so we can discuss your protests to my 'tastless' humour. Until then, Sir, I will fart in your general direction! *smiley face*

@A marvelous HAH AHAHAHAH that is hilarious! did she have a good sense of humour about it? or did you have to bottle it up and turn that laughter into a fart later on? I WISH my last name was poos! i should totally change my last name to Patricia Poos!!! OMG someone call the Alliteration Police

Occasionally called Robbie said...

She's lucky her first name is Isabel, her parents could have been so mean! Names that spring to mind:

Kenneth Bauer said...

I try to do my part to help others (and steal jokes) whenever I can.

Wow, that was awkward said...

I once dated a gal whose last name was Glasscock. I don't remember much about about it anyomore, but I'll never forget her name.

Jeff said...

I had a professor in college whose last name was Koch. I'm not making up the fact that his first name was Lester and he went by (you guessed it) Les.

Les Koch.

He insisted that his last name was pronounced "coke" but after reading his name before the first class, there was no way we would ever let him get away with "coke."

All year, he was Les Cock.

Patricia ~ The Naked Writer said...

@Occasionally I would totally have been that irresponsible type of parent to torture my kid for the rest of their life...I was totally thinking Suki are we both closet true blood fans?

@Kenneth Well, good job!

@Wow i don't know why, but glasscock sounds really classy! You know like a tiffany lamp or's kind of sexy

@Jeff omg...yes, that is definately the kind of profession you would want to stay away from with that kind of last name...good thing he was a college professor and not a high school teacher or the torture he would have to endure would be unbearable :)
Reminds me of Justin timberlake in the love guru jacques le cock!

Timoteo said...

I actually know a woman whose last name is "Labia." Seems like she and Kock should be together!

Sandra said...

You are the queen of logic! I'm with you: why don't people understand that Kock, be it a last name or the appendage is funny. It just is.
Your talent overwhelmes me. You are going to great places in your life, and I hope to be cheering you on and seeing you arrive there just as soon as you do!

Patricia ~ The Naked Writer said...

@Timoteo lol @ Labia now there's a last name! What was her first name if you don't mind saying?

@ Sandra! wow honey, thanks so much those are some super positive , empowering and inspiring words...thank you so much for sharing them with me. I feel all warm and gooey inside now and big smile on my face ;O)

Timoteo said...

Can't reveal the first name, but wouldn't it be funny if Pink's last name were Labia?

Widow_Lady302 said...

I knew someone with the last name Kock...and like Jeff, she insisted that it was pronounced differently than it was spelled. Though when she said it (I made her repeat it like 15 times) all I heard was Penis...go figure! Great stuff!!

Eva Gallant said...

I probably would not have had your self-control. I would have burst out laughing and spit out all my one-liners before I realized she didn't think it was funny and totally alienated myself from her!

Anonymous said...

My Name IS Isabel Kock! :( maybe my relatives...NO


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