Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ummm, Is That Lavender Scented Compost? Nope, It's My New Organic Deodorant Stick!

Hello deodorant, It’s me Trish…I thought you needed to know that you really don’t do a very good job at keeping me dry or smelling good. WTF is up with that? I paid good money for your sorry “all natural”, lavender scented ass and this is how you repay me? With arm pits that feel like they have been licked by a St. Bernard??? Thanks a lot!



You're as useful as an coked out, anorexic super model at an all you can eat buffet…what a waste!

You cost double what I normally pay for deodorant and yet you do only half of the work…are you unionized or just plain lazy?

I am glad that you are ‘Paraben and Proplyene Glycol free’ but maybe you should reintroduce those things back into your diet, cause without them, you are as useless as a Twinkie that thinks it's a tampon!


I was especially enticed to buy you when I read that your formula was 'New and Improved' and now comes with ‘Aerobic Oxygen’…I assumed that would guarantee that you were a master of your craft, but you lied! You lied right to my face!

 
If this was the Roman times, this would be treason and you would be ‘beheaded’ and I bet that would hurt a lot! So, if you wish to continue our relationship, then you’d better start to increase your productivity or I am sending you to Gillette’s Guillotine….Off with your head!

 
This lazy attitude of yours has got to stop! So, pick up the pace asshole and do your job!

 
You have 24 hours to comply with this message

Sincerely,
Trish

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
>

8 comments:

Hipstercrite said...

Sadly, organic or natural deodorant does not work. I tried using Tom's and I smelled like a young boy going through puberty. I have a friend who uses it too and she always smells like B.O. I'm interested in hearing if anyone has luck with it. I wish it worked better! Dammit!

Anti Vigilante said...

I think I have the topic for Pax Paranoia No 5.

Trans-humanist post-futurist cougars give their opinion of life after the singularity, you know the day robots can misspell better than us and throw much more convincing tantrums.

Rachel C. said...

Not to laugh at your trauma, but a friend went through something similar recently when he purchased a new and improved Arm and Hammer deodorant. Sadly, it left him smelling very much like lemon Pledge.

One Blonde Girl said...

I've never tried "all natural" deodorant because I have a friend who uses it daily and swears by it. You would think that would be a pretty good endorsement to use it, but her sweat stains and b.o. say otherwise.

Marilyn said...

I am looking at getting away from as many chemicals as possible. One thing I realized is truth is simple, if I cannot pronounce it nor understand it...I don't use it.

Rich said...

Wouldn't it be nice if the "all-natural" stuff worked? I know a few people who also use and swear by this stuff. Dang do they smell god awful. Either the deodorant isn't working, or they need to use considerably more. Schnikeys. More posts chica! More posts! Make it snappy! ;D

Patricia ~ The Naked Writer said...

@hipstercrite everyone i know who uses this stuff smells bad...i don't know how people keep buying it? From now on, I am going to stick with tucan sam's motto...follow your nose, it always knows :o)

@anti lol that sounds like a fun read..looking forward to it...let me know when it's done cause as a post futurist cougar, inquiring minds want to know ;o)

@rachel c...lemon pledge isn't so bad! it's when you smell like lemon pledge that's masking nasty B.O. then that's a problem....i think i am overly critical of scent though...i feel the need to smell like baby powder all the time, cause it's clean..also pine sol is a clean smell too so i wouldn't mind smelling that way either ...

@one blonde girl...lol i love it when people try to endorse things that obviously don't work yet they are oblivious cause they so badly want to believe in their cause *shakes head*

@marilyn i too have tried that route, but why is it the less ingredients there are in a product and the more 'natural' it is, the more expensive? what an upside down world we live in!

@ rich...was that snappy enough for ya? i think the trick with the all natural stuff is the more you put on the more terrible you smell and soggier the arm pit area becomes...it's weird cause i heard lavendar is supposed to be a natural anti bacterial thing..who makes this shit up? i really need to get to know the 'all natural' marketing team, cause they have some aces up their sleeves for sure!

Glenda Eirvon said...

Hi I'm Glenda, you are so so so so funny. This blog has to be one of the best on the net. I was working and took time to read this. Wow, keep up the good work.

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