Friday, March 11, 2011

I'm back with some Style!



So even though I haven't blogged in about 5 months, some awesome person has given me an incentive to write again as I was emailed that I am now the proud owner of some fucking award that means absolutely nothing to me but still made me feel good to receive it because that is just how shallow I truly am! 

Yet I do feel entitled to it because I am totally stylish with my potty mouth and excessive abuse of swear words. Making words like 'Shmegma, Quiff and Beastiality' sound stylish, sure is hard work and therefore I accept this award! So thanks to you 'Clocks Declaring ' for honouring me with the 'Stylish Blogger Award' and for getting me back on the horse ( this is my segue to the last paragraph of this blog post, just so you know that this post does in fact have continuity in a graceless sort of way...that's right, I am all about Style now people, you may hold your applause until after the break). 

Also to all of you who bitched and whined for me to come back, all 2 of you...here it is...the post you have all been waiting for...trust me, this post is like Jar Jar Binks in the Phantom Menace...irritating, pointless and utterly uncreative.

Life in my end of the world is really really good...and when things are really really good, I don't feel like writing...must be that tortured artist mentality either that or the comedy writing team that took up residence in my brain is still on lunch 5 months later...and I forgot to fire them and hire new ones...man, where do I find a sweet job like that?

So trying to write when I am happy and satiated is like trying to give birth when you aren't even pregnant...nothing can be created except maybe a quiff or two...and PUSH! One more, come on, push that blog post out! Ah congratulations, it's a pussy fart with all 10 fingers and toes!

Mostly, my "happy writing" looks like I ate a bunch of Skittles and washed them down with purple Koolaide and then regurgitated it all over the page...sure it's colourful but there isn't much substance to it. 

Hey so remember way way back at the beginning of this post I spoke about a horse??? Well, I will leave you with this deep thought I just had about them...

'Fuck you and the horse you rode in on' is quite a saying!!
I often wonder what it really means…like if you say that to someone, does that mean you want to fuck a horse?
Or does it me you would like to have a threesome with the horse and its rider?
Or is it a really obvious way to indicate to other people that you have in fact forgotten to take your Meds because most people generally don’t ride horses around town anymore unless they are rich or possibly a part time Rodeo clown...and if you are in fact off your Meds and seeing Rodeo Clowns you should probably call 911...but I digress..

Whenever I hear someone say 'fuck you and the horse you rode in on' I think of how it surely must have originated...some cowboy with road rage is behind another cowboy who is being a dick by riding slow and not letting Ol' John Boy pass...as they both finally arrive at the saloon the second cowboy tilts his hat and says 'howdy partner' with a smug look on his face that says he knew what a dick he was being and then the Ol' John Boy just loses it and is all like 'I challenge you to a duel Pilgrim' and in some kind of word miracle the other cowboy pulls that amazing one liner from thin air....The first cowboy ever in the history of the world, to use that line!
I like to believe that Ol' John Boy just tilted his hat and said touche and then they all slapped their knees, bought each other a beer while firing their guns in the air and pissing in their pants because of the hilarity of that quick witted comeback ….but we all know the inevitable outcome of saying something like that back then was the second cowboy getting shot in the face...cowboys were killed for much much less back then.

I guess upgrading that saying isn't really as much fun, as 'Fuck you and the porshe you rode in on'... it doesn't have the same ring to it....because fucking a horse is really quite taboo, even in this day and age ...it's not yet something you can casually bring up at Thanksgiving Dinner...at least in most Countries. Although 'fuck you and the Retard you rode in on' could be even more offensive because nobody ever admits to fucking a retard or a horse :o)
Plus that just screams classy all over it doesn't it?

So, until next time everyone, fuck you and the Horse and/or Retard you rode in on :o)
Thanks for reading
Love Patricia

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~

 
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12 comments:

IndigoWrath said...

Ms. Womb!

Delightful to see you, Patricia! Your enthusiasm is volcanic; I think you're on a cocktail of Koolaid, Mountain Dew and Treble Espresso topped up with Red Bull.

And thank you, I will retain "fuck you and the Porsche you rode in on" for future yuppie abuse.

Indigo x

One Blonde Girl said...

Well lookey here. You've made a come back. I'm currently in the same boat you are, although no one has emailed me any awards and asked why I haven't been blogging, but damn! It's so hard to write when there are happy, shiny rainbows shooting out of you. Depression fuels my creativity. Happiness just... well... makes me happy (and I guess more pleasant to be around). Glad to read you again.

CkretsGalore said...

Yay! It's like Christmas but without the whole Christmas theme. Instead it's lots of potty mouth but like a beautiful wrapped gift under a Quif lined tree.

Welcome back

Marsy said...

Ooooh how I have missed you my darling fruitcake! Next time you stay away for more than 5 months I'll personally come and find you myself. With a spear and everything...

Scuba Nurse said...

Awesome to have you back.
Some one found my blog my typing "fuck you and the horse you rode in on".
I can only assume I was being my charming self in the comments section one day, 'cause Im sure I havent had the genious to blog about it.
Unlike you!
xoxo
Scube

Clocks Declaring said...

I admire your honesty about not giving a fuck about it, unlike me. >D

I've honestly never heard that saying before, but I'm still a little whippersnapper so that explains that.

But aside from that, you should post more, you goof! Although you're right, it is hard when it's all sunshine and rainbows. :)

Larry "Taj" Meholick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Laurenz Taj de Mojo said...

Welcome back to the Womb. Who says 'you can never go home'? – Laurenz

www.thepirateeye.com

Jyoti Mishra said...

welcome back !!

looking forward to new posts.

Random Scribblings
http://jyotimi.blogspot.com/

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Pilates said...

Welcome Back Womb..BTW I like the Award "Stylish Blogger" really stylish!!

Amber said...

What's wrong with skittles and purple koolade....I like to have them everyday as part of a balanced diet of course...and the odd teabag here and there, when the fancy takes me.

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