Monday, October 03, 2011

The One Where I Procrastinate

Today is the first day of my life...or maybe it's the first day towards my demise, who's to say? I am embarking on a new career, in a new city and I have no idea what the fuck I was thinking!

Last month, I finally made the decision to uproot myself from my comfortable, safe, boring little life and move to Vancouver to start my comedy career. A bold career move at 33!

Yesterday, I finally moved into my new ' $900 shared accommodations; listen to your roommates hair growing in her sleep because the walls are so paper fucking thin that if you touched them, they would crinkle', luxury apartment!

This morning, I sit in my new room, surrounded by 4 'walls' of tissue paper, a mountain of unpacked boxes and an audience of voices in my head that say 'what a Fucktard! You actually think you are funny enough to make it? You will be eating jam from a homeless guys toes in a month and you won't even be able to afford the bread to spread it on!'

Right now, all I want to do is figure out how can I get away with using a vibrator without the new roommate hearing it! For $900 a month, I should be allowed to masturbate all over the apartment, using a diesel powered meat curtain machine that would overshadow the sounds of most chainsaws, without anyone even blinking an eye!

Hmm what would MacGyver do? Maybe a pair of almost dead batteries will do the trick? Or one fresh one and one dead one = not so many vibrate-y sounds?

I'm not horny, I just need to take my mind off of all I have to so I guess you could call it Procrastination Masturbation. That way at least I can feel like I have accomplished something today. But alas, these walls won't allow me to get the Job done!

Unpacking has never been my forte, but neither has anything else in life...good thing I am so optimistic about this fictional career!

After reading this blog post, all I can think is 'holy shitballs, what have I done?'
Over and out
~I surrender to The Writing Womb~


Whitney Soup said...

officially starting your comedy career?? GOOD FOR YOU! :)

Tenga Eggs said...

Really great article with very interesting information. You might want to follow up to this topic!?

MyInnerCheerleader said...

It takes serious courage to make the move and take pursue your dreams. Best of luck!

Gia said...

Procrastination masturbation is the most satisfying kind. Seriously.


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