About Me

Who is The Naked Writer?

Above, is a picture of me, The Naked Writer. See, I am not just a cartoon character!

My new stalker friend J-face over at The Yellow Factor had made a list of 100 things about him on his site, his honesty was inspiring and it made me wonder if I had a list inside of me too that I could share. Turns out, I totally did...if you want to know anything else, just ask!

Oh, and please don't steal my blog entries and pictures without proper credit and my permission. This stuff I write and draw is all copywritten...thank you, I appreciate it!

The Naked Writer 101

1.Everything I have done or not done in my life, has somehow been for love

2.I still trick or treat even as an adult…not just for the candy but for the little glimpses into other peoples lives, to see what a normal persons world smells like, looks like, sounds like

3.I enjoy making people laugh more than anything else in the entire world.

4.The search for love and authenticity/individuality are the only two things that get me out of bed everyday

5.I stare walls for hours when I am procrastinating thinking of all I have to do that I don’t want to do

6.I once gave a guy a 4 hour blow job

7.When put on the spot, I have no idea what I do or do not like, I have to take an exaggerated pause to weigh out my options and think about it

8.Loud unexpected noises annoy me, even if it’s me who’s making them

9.Movie theatres are icky; a bunch of people crowded in a room breathing each others germs, eating like cows it’s fucking gross

10.I don’t grow my fingernails because I love to play the guitar which is my drug of choice now

11.I used to be a stripper or 'exotic dancer' on and off (more off than on) for 7 years

12.I love dogs so much, but will never own another after having to put my dog down cause of cancer…I now live vicariously through other peoples dogs

13.Most times I feel like I am an empty egg shell that is already cracked, waiting to fall and shatter into a million pieces

14.I don’t know what I believe in, it changes daily, sometimes hourly

15.My sun sign is Leo, My rising is Leo and my moon is Sagitarius I am all fire baby and that causes a lot of problems for me as I can be a highly reactive and explosive individual

16.I suffer from A.D.W.D. (Adult Don’t Wanna Disorder) it’s epic!

17.I wear glasses because when I was 11, I thought glasses were cool so I lied on my eye exam to make it seem like I needed them

18.Wearing glasses makes me feel safe, like I can hide my emotions from people when I am wearing them. I feel naked without them.

19.I have perfect teeth but always wanted braces so I used to stretch a paper clip out and put it in my mouth and tell all the kids in school it was a retainer

20.I quit my job for a year to become a professional poker player. I was a shark and did very well until I started to use drugs to be able to stay up and play longer

21.I have always believed that there is something really wrong with me and so far, most of my life has been dedicated to finding ‘the cure’

22.I think ‘What’s the point?’ to almost everything in life it prevents me from trying most days

23.I want to be ‘Baby’ so ‘Johnny’ will tell everyone that no one puts me in the corner and we will sexy dance and love each other forever and live happily ever after…yes, I am still searching for my fairy tale ending

24.Being an exotic dancer made me feel empowered most of the time

25.I once turned down $50,000 to sleep with a man because after much deliberation I came to the conclusion that once a whore, always a whore, I don’t regret that decision!

26.On my 75th birthday, I will allow myself to try the most addictive drugs that I have always been curious about but afraid to try (like Crack and Heroin)

27.When I was 7, I thought I was a mermaid for the entire summer. I could hold my breath for more than 4 minutes underwater and swam like I had a tail

28.I stabbed my brother in the face with a pencil for no reason when I was 9, last time I saw him, he still had the grey dimple in his cheek

29.I worked hard in my life to get everything that I wanted and then when I had it all, I gave it up cause none of it made me happy, it was then that I finally understood that money really can’t buy happiness

30.I HATE to disappoint people

31.I feel pressured to always be engaging and fun when I am around others this makes me want to stay at home a lot

32.I joined a cult and didn’t know it for a while

33.I have drank my own pee three times it’s called Urine Therapy and yes it was fucking gross

34.No matter how thin I get, it’s never thin enough, so I just stopped trying

35.In order to get super skinny, I went on a cocaine diet. I did all kinds of research and decided that because it wasn’t a physically addictive drug, I could control it cause of the insane amount of will power I have. I still ended up addicted to that drug for more than a year and it was the most expensive diet I ever went on

36.I didn’t learn to drive until I was 24

37.I tend to procrastinate procrastinating!

38.Listening gives me anxiety sometimes

39.Mostly I spend my life waiting for the other shoe to drop

40.I am now afraid to feel too happy because happiness always ends in misery for me

41.I envy the mentally retarded (no joke) Their ignorance is a freedom I long for in life

42.My biggest fear is going crazy and losing my grip on reality.

43.I have a big thing for Dirty dancing’s Johnny also, John Cusack, Jeff Goldblume, Jim Halpert, John Malchovich…actually, maybe I have a thing for men who have names that start with ‘J’? I have a feeling that something cool happened to me the day I watched the episode of Sesame street that was brought to me by the letter 'J'?

44.I have been proposed to 7 times and have never once said yes because it felt like I would be settling

45.Sometimes I can be so impatient that I actually feel it as pain in my body

46.I am afraid of failing and I am afraid of succeeding so most times, I don’t even bother

47.I have a different sound effect for things I do like when I throw something or drop something I make a weird noise with my mouth I only recently discovered this annoying quirk

48.I always think the grass is greener on the other side yet when I move to the other side, the grass is still all brown and wilty

49.I wrote my first book when I was 8; Chutney the Squirrel, I designed a cover and bound it and everything!

50.I hate smoking weed, it makes me paranoid

51.I dislike quizzes it’s a stupid waste of time for someone else to box me into who they think I am…yet the curiosity eats away at me

52.Gossip mags make me sick yet when I go to the check out in a grocery store, there’s nothing to do but read them and then I want to buy them cause who’s ass is that with all the cellulite on it?

53.If someone is behind me when I am driving, I tend to go way over the speed limit just so they don’t get mad at me or think badly of me

54.I am super long winded (both in writing and talking with others) , I wish I could edit what I say mostly

55.When someone is telling me a story and I say ‘oh yeah you told me last week remember?’ and yet they finish the story anyways, I internally get into such an impatient rage that it feels like my eyeballs will pop right out of their sockets and I want to head butt them till they shut up so I don’t have to pretend to be interested in something I just heard…ugh!

56.I tend to lose track of what I am saying as I am constantly worrying about what the other person is thinking and if I have a booger on my nose or if I have morphed into the alien that I feel that I am. How would I know, would they be too polite to tell me?

57.I can't stand that I have imperfections and I wonder if I will ever love myself exactly as I am

58.Seat belts make me angry, they always find a way to move up on me and dig right into my fucking neck.

59.In the last year, I have been in 3 motorbike accidents, I used to get tattoos to mark special occasions but now I proudly wear my scars. I am especially proud of my ‘franken knee’ it’s sexy!

60.The best part about watching a new movie in the theatre…the previews!

61.I pride myself on never being late! I would rather be 30 minutes early than 1 minute late

62.If you fart, I will laugh…nothing personal but that’s ‘A’ material

63.I have a burp that would scare bears away and I can belch on command

64.The feel of Styrofoam on my teeth or brushing against my nail or skin makes me almost throw up

65.I love to give presents and surprise people. I put a lot of thought into them, sometimes like a whole year of thought!

66.I don’t like to use up anything…so I have almost empty jars/bottles of stuff lying around the house

67.When making a sandwhich, I like to lick the condiments off the butter knife I use

68.I have monkey toes they are strong and can pick up anything…people who know me, are afraid of my feets

69.I love being in a long term relationship

70.When I was in grade 3, I tried to dance in the talent show to ‘I want your sex’ by George Michael I was hurt and confused they said no, cause I was awesome yet I was sent to the principles office for inappropriate behaviour!

71.I have been making up words since I was little and making people believe they are real …insegrievious was my first one

72.I don’t like to have sex with someone unless I am in love with them…then I can orgasm from my body, heart and soul…that is the best feeling a person can have

73.I have a hard time asking for help

74.I had a $20 a day book buying habit as I read a book a day for well over a year

75.I used to be an avid list maker and couldn’t be productive without one…come to think of it, now that I don’t make lists, nothing ever gets done

76.I once got so coked out that I watched Zoolander for two days straight and was still entertained by it every time!

77.Ecstasy doesn’t make me horny or friendly I just want to dance, close my eyes and pretend that nothing exists except the music

78.I am a happy, horny, fun drunk

79.When I found my first grey, I cried like a baby and when I called my best friend, he thought someone had died. When he finally got the story out of me, he cried with laughter

80.I actually saved my first grey hair and wrote down the day I found it

81.Anthony Robbins books are responsible for me changing the direction of my life. His books and tapes helped me quit drugs, gambling and stripping and inspired me to open my own business and be more than I ever was. Tony Robbins is my hero and I thank him for producing such amazing material, I am still pursuing my dreams because of his words.

82.I like to cry hard once in a while, it makes me feel relieved, it’s like an orgasm for my eyes

83.I am a night owl there’s something so romantic about being out after 3 am it’s exclusive like the whole world is mine

84.When I am excited about something, I can inspire you to be passionate about it too because of how much enthusiasm I have I have been told, when I am like that, I am contagious and magnetic and could sell a used car to a used car salesman

85.When I was stripping, about 50% of my clients just paid me to listen to their hopes, dreams and problems at home

86.I am an excellent pool player. I actually skipped off an entire semester of school when I was 14 to learn to play pool and gitoni (foozball)

87.I am good at projecting that I have a lot of self confidence and power, but mostly I am a jelly donut on the inside; scared and vulnerable

88.Most of my friends are guys, I just don’t understand women

89.I am a hopeful romantic

90.Every night before I go to bed, I pray that I will find my soul mate

91.I moved out when I was 14 and lived on my own since I was 16 years old

92.I have a hard time showing weakness

93.I have very few regrets in life even though I have done and said some fucked up things

94.I once loved someone so much that I gave up a big part of my identity and most of the qualities that I loved about myself just to make him happy and try to make it work

95.I love watching a good on screen kiss it turns me on more than any porno ever could and makes my heart flutter with hope!

96.I will never cheat on a boyfriend…ever! I am loyal to a fault

97.I don’t have many secrets…even though I have done a lot of taboo things in my life that pushed the envelope of acceptable by social standards

98.I didn’t do my taxes for 9 years but when I finally got around to it, I got a shit load of money back

99.My live in boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me over video games. See, as a dancer, I would only have to work 4 days a month which was more than enough to pay all the bills. For the rest of the month, I had a love affair with Playstation . He said it was him or the video games, I chose the video games…duh! I think he was just super jealous of my amazing hand eye coordination and my mad skills to beat him at every game.

100.Currently, I live on a small island in Thailand called Koh Phangan. This island is famous for its monthly ‘Full Moon Parties’ where 10,000 + people show up from all over the world to party like a rock star for 3 straight days and nights on the white sandy beach about 10 kms from my house…I have lived here for a year and have never attended one of these parties…weird!

101.I miss my best friend so much it’s like I have walked around with a pitch fork in my chest for the last two years. At least 10 times a day, I wish he was here with me and I wonder if I will ever see or hear from him again

~I surrender to The Writing Womb~
The Naked Writer

What I Am Looking For In A Partner:
To look to the very depths of me and ask myself 'what do I want?' is a little difficult for me to do. I know all about what I don't like and don't want but what I want in a relationship? I haven't defined it yet...so, I guess it's about time that I try. This is an online dating ad I am working on but it is turning into an EPIC NOVEL as I figure it out. In advance, thank you for your patience while i try to figure this out :o) Happy reading!

I want to be open and honest with someone, become best friends first and see where that takes us. I want the freedom to be myself just as I am and I want to give you that same respect, never trying to change a single thing about each other cause that's what makes us who we are…never morphing into someone else's projections of who they think we should be.

I want a friend who is strong in spirit, secure within themselves, comfortable with who they are and confident in their individuality, who won't compromise or settle for less...who knows what they like and don't like and who loves themselves completely just as they are.

I want a fun, reasonably energetic partner who loves equally to do outdoorsy things as well as surf the couch and quietly read or write/create. Lately, I have been quite complacent and lazy in life, which is uncharacteristic of me and I feel infinitely bored...it would be nice to have a supportive /enthusiastic person to knock some life and ambition back into me.

I like to listen to music here and there, but not retardedly loud. I never listen to music while driving. I am quite uncomfortable in loud, big places while they pack in people like sardines...crowds of people are not my forte.

As an introverted extrovert, (yes the duality is not lost on me) I enjoy peace and quiet, long bubble baths with candles, reading a nice book curled up on a lounge chair for a day or even a weekend, I love to write and get all these thoughts out of my head...it's like medicine for my monkey mind…I enjoy meditating and yoga with or without a partner, yet the extroverted side of me wants to play a lot, go biking, hiking, rollerblading, swimming, frolicking about like a child, laughing at silly things like pee and poo jokes, dancing in storms and feeling the rain's uniqueness, touch upon my skin, (this is the longest run on sentence in the history of run on sentences, but I digress) I love playing pool, cribbage, texas hold em poker, I like finger-painting, walking in cemeteries to enable me to appreciate the smallest of moments as it helps me to remember where I too will end up eventually. I like to feel the hot sun on my body as I lay in the sand, I like to speak my mind even if it's not 'politically correct'...hey my truth is my truth and it's all ok!

I can be loud and jokingly obnoxious at times. I love to talk and really enjoy having a partner who is as good a listener as they are a talker.

I like to eat food and don't hide that fact. I am not a slim girl (never have been) but I am voluptuous and curvy in all the places that make me happy....I love myself just as i am ( most days) and am looking for someone who can love me just as I am.

I am a one person type of girl that enjoys being adored and cherished. I really dislike pedestals and prefer not to be put upon one as the fall might hurt me :o) I am looking for a partner where we can be equal....I would rather not subscribe to boxes with tightly shut lids, I like to keep it open. I am not into threesomes, or group things, I don't like to share my partner sexually with anyone else but I am not possessive and you are free as a human to express yourself in ways that make you happy and fulfilled, honesty is important to me so if you are all about lots of partners, and notches on your bed posts, I am happy for you and wish you lots of pleasure but please don't respond to this ad! I am just trolling for one person who is looking for only one person...that's how I roll baby! ;o)

I am not interested in what's become the typical western style relationship, full of dramas, baggage and negativity...I will only surround myself with positive, empowering people who support and nurture my hopes and dreams unconditionally ( so I don't have a lot of friends, cause it is very difficult to find real people who are genuine but the ones i do have are keepers).

I will never cheat on you, ignore you, intentionally hurt you...I just want to love you if you are the right person for me. As I said, I am a hopeful romantic and I have been ignoring the fact that this is what I long for, this is what I crave well, today I put an end to that and will honour this love I long to find.

I love dogs more than cats and I frequently live vicariously through other peoples animals...this way I don't have the responsibility of taking care of them.

I don't like to shop and especially dislike grocery shopping....the most redundant / boring task on the planet!

I like to do all things sporadically and rarely stick with any one activity for an extended period of time...some would say I am a dabbler, jack of all trades, master of none. I am consistently inconsistent so it is tough to say what i like or don't like cause it really depends on my mood...the only thing I am consistent in is writing.

I am a super passionate woman in everything I do and I am looking for a super passionate partner. A seeker of truth, a HOPEFUL ROMANTIC....yes, my heart has been broken before but its healed nicely…and I have faith that the right person will reveal themselves to me (not like that dirty bird) when the time is right.

I am independent and perfectly happy to be alone, in fact I really enjoy having a couple of days just for me even when I am with someone. I have mastered the art of sarcasm and I really love to make others laugh, see them happy.

I rarely drink but if I do, it might be a beer or 3 on my birthday or Halloween; my absolute favourite day, where I still can get dressed up in a costume and go trick or treating! Free candy and fun yay! I am still a big kid I often oscillate wildly back and forth between serious adult me filled with wonder and questions and big kid me filled with wonder and questions... I really love to watch cartoons and peruse the isles of toy stores to see what cool stuff is out there now.

I love gifts that are unique or thoughtful and I take great pride in giving those kinds of gifts too...it could be a poem I wrote just for you, or a song, or something you mentioned a year ago, in passing, that you 'had to have'...I have a very sharp memory and rarely forget anything.

I absolutely love to kiss and cuddle and hug! I really enjoy being touched by my partner even if there is no reason for it...just to let me know you are there!

I enjoy someone who also likes cuddling and public displays of affection.

I don't care if you are rich or poor, I am not into brand names /labels...I don't care if you have the finest cars, toys in the world....that is irrelevant and won't help to win over my heart. In my former life, I used to only fixate on the materialistic side of life but after getting everything I wanted and still feeling dissatisfied and even more miserable, I had to kick those habits and fetishes (shoes) out the door...the simple life makes me happy.

I would love to own a little cozy cabin on a quiet piece of land some day (somewhere off the beaten path)...even if I somehow came into tonnes of money, I would still only want a tiny little home...they make me feel safe and happy.
I don't have any vices....don't do drugs, don't gamble, don't smoke and I don't collect anything but wisdom from the experiences I have had...although I can be quite a pack rat for memories and this is one thing I am trying to work on at the present moment...letting go.

I like to play my classical guitar from time to time but I am only mediocre at it and that's ok as I don't really want to put in a huge effort to get really good at it :o)

I love discovering all the new technology that's out there, it has always fascinated me and I can be found doing endless hours of research on things that I will never buy just because it's fun to know the evolution of things.

I am all about evolution as a person...constantly striving to grow upwards, hopefully not outwards ;o) I love learning about myself and others, I love to teach others and share with them, inspire them, uplift them and help them learn things they never even knew about themselves before.

I am a realistic person and swim in the sea of reality delicately and consciously.
I used to be 'one of the guys' and I really identified with that personality in my life, but lately I have been developing and growing my feminine side, really opening my heart and proudly being a softer kind of lady!

I am old fashioned and enjoy for my partner to be similar...I like it when someone holds the door for me, or gives me flowers for no reason, or leaves me little notes in secret places or makes me breakfast in bed.....and I really like to do those things for my partner too...it's a reciprocal thing for me...the more I give, the more I want to give and I love to make the one I love feel special, loved, appreciated...every single day!
I am mostly positive and upbeat although when I investigate the inner workings of myself I can spiral downwards for a time until I understand my reactions fully and am able to move ahead from there. When I stagnate in life or learning, I feel suffocated.

The sound of a screaming baby is one of the most irritating sounds on this planet, as is someone chewing their food / gum as if a grazing cow. I am very conscious of how my sounds, my footprints, my energy effects other people and I try not to disturb others with my presence, am very respectful of their space and boundaries.

If you are still reading this, congratulations...are you tired, do you need a little nappy now? ;o) Please only respond to this if this strikes a chord with you, if it sounds like you wrote it... if you were reading it and it was your deepest desires as well then great, email me and tell me all kinds of tid bits about you...I really want to know what makes you passionate in life.

I know it's a huge list of things that i am looking for but I am already living the life of my dreams just by asking for it so why not ask for what I want in a partner as well? I am sure now that I have put it out there that the universe will supply to me something even better than what I was looking for.
~I surrender to The Writing Womb~



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